"In the world of love, the one who is not loved is the third party." This sentence comes from the golden sentence of the TV series "The Critical Wife", which not only deeply reflects the bitter truth in the relationship between love. The injured person not only faces the pain of betrayal, but may also face the extremely poor mistress. In this case, how can we not only protect our self-esteem but also have the opportunity to recover this relationship? Professional advisor psychologist Lin Cuifen provides in-depth analysis and suggestions in "Insight into the heart from an affair: Time Creation and Rebuilding Trust". Lin Cuifen emphasized that we should understand the psychological state and needs of third parties, and learn from the interaction between an affair partner and a third party, so as to better manage our emotional reactions and further optimize the close relationship with our partners. By gaining insight into the work roles, language logic and inner needs of third parties, we can find the answer: How to deal with betrayal and avoid unintentionally promoting third parties and push the companion further?
1. In real life, many third parties only act as careful books or assistants, participating in their boss's daily itinerary as "necessities in work and life", gradually playing a key role in the other party's life. This emotional transformation from work relationships has deepened their love and dependence on "boss lovers", and the feelings of serving and enjoying relationships have reduced the guilt of becoming third parties. When this abnormal relationship is overwhelming and emotional conflicts make them difficult to extricate themselves. When the affair is revealed, this deep-seated dependence and relationship protection not only brings deeper psychological damage to the injured party, but also makes the whole situation more complicated.
{}2. The third party of revolutionary relationships undertakes the company case together, goes to a certain customer together, fights on his shoulders at work, discusses solutions after work, shares frustrations with each other, and savors the results of work together. In addition to chatting at work, they will constantly communicate information after separation, quickly form a revolutionary companionship. The third party in revolutionary relationship will come to an end until the project comes to an end. If each has a different mission, or has other close partners joining, or the relationship will come to an end at a short time.
3. The third party of the profession is divided into two categories: one pursues married men, uses this relationship as a tool to accumulate wealth and enjoy unrestrained benefits; the other class takes improving the quality of their lover's life as a mission, is good at creating a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, and is proficient in meeting the psychological and life needs of successful men. From eye contact to careful movements, they all show their sensitivity and thoughtfulness to details. These third parties are not only good at listening and complimenting, but also know how to make their lover feel their charm and value. When facing such opponents in the palace, complex emotions often arise. On the one hand, I realize that everything the other party does is exactly what the partner desires. On the other hand, I feel irritated and exhausted because I don’t want to imitate and fall into a psychological and emotional battle.
4. Third parties who are eager to get married Some third parties who are eager to get married require their lover to "promise to divorce" in the early stages of their love, and then the two fell into continuous conflicts and ties. This type of third party constantly pursues the divorce progress of the lover, and sometimes even forces the lover to provide fake divorce certificates to counter the pressure. As the pressure increases, they may encounter "awareness deregulation". Faced with the huge psychological conflict between self-investment and trauma, they choose to refuse to accept the truth of being deceived in order to seek psychological balance. This kind of persistence is not only difficult in pain, but may also lead to continued malignancy of the relationship and even extreme behavior. For example, some third parties will adopt extreme practices and actively seek a injured partner for judgment, hoping that the injured person will become angry to divorce his lover after knowing the truth, but the results are mostly different from what they expected.
5. The third party who attacks the heart is good at grasping the psychological needs of the lover, and uses every warm and thoughtful word to make the lover complain and provide emotional comfort. Through careful concerns, such as proposing a light massage or preparing dinner manually, they deepen their emotional connection with their lover, making their lover willing to take risks to her. Even if the lover is unstable due to drinking, they still show a worry-free attitude, and even face the unreasonable attitude of their lover, they can resolve their doubts with a smile and introducing friends. Such empathy and careful care, even as psychologists, have to admire their wise emotional manipulation. For those who are injured, this third party is a big challenge, and often unintentionally pushes their lover to them.
6. Third party of fatherly relationship Many third party of fatherly relationship lack fatherly love during their growth. In order to relieve their childhood weakness, they will particularly love the older "lover father". During the process of getting along, they will appreciate and give up, and long to enjoy a lot of love and tolerance. Some third parties will directly recognize their lover as their father, allowing the economically inexpensive father to pay for themselves, buy expensive gifts for themselves, take them on a trip, give themselves pocket money, and enjoy a happy life of "whatever you want". The third party of this type will want to leave the affair when the little girl in her heart grows up or no longer needs the care and love of the "lover dad", but sometimes the "lover dad" is unwilling to let go.
7. In third-party media reports under parents, family affairs that live together become more common. For example, the close relationship between father-in-law and daughter-in-law is unbelievable in traditional ethics, but from a psychological point of view, this is the manifestation of "attractive theory". Both sides are connected for a long time, interact frequently, and the living space is close, which can easily stimulate each other's attraction.. In reality, these two people should not have developed such a relationship. The suppressed desire may increase the attractiveness, resulting in the "Romier and Julius effect" that is, the more they encounter resistance and family opposition, the closer they may be. In the face of this special third-party situation, it is important to communicate openly and honestly to understand each other's feelings and needs. When dealing with conflicts in such confidential relationships, professional psychological counselors can provide more solutions and solutions.
8. The third party who actively seeks help is most of the third party who actively seeks help is close neighbors and friends. They will start to develop emotional links from their daily needs: My house lights are damaged, can you help me with some trouble? Based on thanks, we invite the other party to have a meal and express our gratitude. After that, all things in the family will be linked to each other, inviting the other party to come and have a look and chat, and the relationship will gradually develop. In addition, it is also possible that during the help of the help, both limbs accidentally touched each other, and a sudden thunder stirred up the ground and broke out in an extramarital affair. The third party of this type may be a neighbor or friend recognized by the injured person. Therefore, when you know the truth about the affair, your partner will be shocked and difficult to accept, and you may even feel betrayed by double deeds, which is very disappointed with human nature.
9. A third party with an unmarried theory says that playing a third party is the safest secret relationship. In the future, you will not face the pressure of urging marriage, nor will you have to take the other party to see your family. Both of them will take each other's needs. They will not have to be responsible for the relationship, but you can also enjoy a great sense of control and freedom. This type of third party is mostly because they have suffered a great harm in their original family, or have a high sense of inferiority and shame for their original family, and they believe that no one will accept their family, or they are very distant from their family, and have not contacted each other for a long time. No matter for any reason, they do not want their lover to meet and interact with their family. Therefore, for them, when the third party, there is no pressure at all times, and they do not have to worry about their lovers wanting to know their family.
10. A third party who incites rebellious When the lover complains to the third party, the third party often incites emotions inspire or sympathetic language, such as advocating self-realization, criticizing the partner for not understanding, or emphasizing his own support. Their families who may send gifts to their lovers do not ask for a reply on the surface, which actually deepens their lover's dependence. These inciting languages have a strong power to incite rebellion. They are especially likely to be affected by lovers who are in a "middle-aged crisis". Once the lover's emotions are incited, their attitude towards their partner will be full of anger and dissatisfaction after returning home. Many injured people will be inexplicably angry. At this time, it is important for the injured people to remain stable and not be angered, and avoid intercourse with the third party to arouse the affair.
11. Under the jealousy and strong revenge third parties, some third parties will try to weaken the close relationship between their lover and their companions, require the lover to keep a distance from their companions, and prohibit negotiating behavior, so as to ensure their position in the lover's heart. They comfort themselves, thinking that their lovers have no feelings for each other and are just fulfilling their responsibilities. When jealousy is upgraded, they may have indiscreet comparisons with their lover's companions, compete for love, and when they are abandoned, they will have a revenge mentality and want to destroy the other person's happiness. In some extreme cases, this situation even leads to tragedy, such as a third party attacking his lover or his companion, or trying to destroy their reputation and happiness, in order to express his pain and dissatisfaction.
12. In the relationship between third parties who threaten with death, some third parties will express their extreme reliance, saying that they cannot leave their lover, and thus give "incompetent" ideas in their lover's heart. This kind of verbal is like a huge "psychological cap" for lovers who are prone to guilt or need it. As time goes by, when the appointment is cancelled or the lover's passion is reduced, these third parties may refuse to accept the change of reality until they face undeniable evidence, such as the lover's distance or deception, and they will be painfully awakened. In extreme circumstances, in order to keep the lover, some third parties will threaten by death in order to prevent the lover from leaving. Many extramaritals continue to use coaxing and procrastination because they are afraid that the other party will really harm themselves, hoping that the third party can slowly accept the facts. But this approach will make the third party mistakenly believe that "threat with death" is effective, and constantly use death to control the lover's psychology and emotions. If you are not careful, it may become true.
It is better to transcend yourself than to overcome others. Love deeply savor each other.Many injured people have said to me the same sentence: "If you can do it, I can do it too." Although behind this sentence contains a mentality of disobedience and good luck, if you can not distort your feelings, not betray your will, and calmly think, you can actually find the blindness of yourself and your companions. When you are with your companions, the real benefit is not to compare or surpass others, but to let go of your guardianship and open your heart to accept changes. This can not only help individuals grow, but also promote harmony and understanding between each other. By turning the focus from competition to introspection and self-reflection, we can not only understand ourselves more deeply, but also begin to understand our companions’ needs and desires, “How do we support each other?”, “Is our communication effective?” and “How do we grow together?” Through these questions, we can begin to explore new solutions that are not only about how to respond to third parties, but also about how to establish a stronger, loving and understanding relationship.
This article records: "Insight into the heart from an affair: Time-to-life insult and rebuilding trust"
