Editor's note: Psychiatrist Wu Jiaxuan died of cancer in 2008 and after two years of care, her father was diagnosed with dementia in 2015, and since then she began her process of caring for her dementia. Her father, who was a professor at National Taiwan University, had gradually dementia after dementia. As a doctor, she was no longer better than ordinary patients. Because of this, she could better understand the situation of the caregiver and the "familiar stranger" around her.
Psychiatrist and writer Wu Jiaxuan took care of her dementia father for 10 years and often taught her professional and experience as a doctor and family. However, how can she be willing to undergo medical examinations? How should my father intervene in his investment and millions of dollars? It has made her unable to open her mouth.
Wu Jiaxuan said that it was a long way to go from illness to dementia. When my mother was still alive, she was so forgetful that she begged her to "adapt ahead" to find medicine to prevent her father from becoming dementia. Although she was not sure that the medicine was effective, she still helped buy the medicine. As a result, her father was in great trouble and finally left it alone.
After his mother passed away, the father who was unattended was obsessed with bottles and jars. He must recover from back pain. "The father has always been uncontrollable. A woman can only respect him. It was not until he tried to turn a seller and worried that he was a thief that I began to stop him from doing it. He often laughed at him: If this continues, there will be news that "the retired professor is scavenger and a doctor is not asking about it" one day!"
Wu Jiaxuan was so angry that her father had a lot of appointments since 10 years ago. She forgot to repeat what she said. She sent politicians thousands of times a day, but her father had no sense of illness. How to make him willing to go to medical treatment is a big problem. "I waited until my father gave up the bag many times. Once I had a headache and had a stool and had to be hospitalized. I took the opportunity to ask the neurologic department for a check-up to confirm that it was dementia."
In a high school, it is still difficult to involve money
Wu Jiaxuan is a doctor, her sister is a lawyer, and her younger brother is a doctor. Even if she is an intellectual family, "it is always difficult to involve money."
Wu Jiaxuan revealed that in the early stage of dementia, her father was able to take care of himself. He kept his money very tightly and brought a small bag to the cash book and the withdrawal card. The outsider reported that his salary was no longer available. She realized that her father had forgotten his password and could not withdraw money. At the same time, she noticed that when he withdraws money, the outsider carried his password to him! "Fortunately, we are very upright outsiders. It was the time when I had the opportunity to get my father's consent and provide salary stewardship."
In her impression, in order to cultivate three children, her parents were conservative in life and did not understand or touch financial products. However, when my father was 75 years old, she was surprised to ask for advice on the bills sent by the bank to funds and guarantees, and confirmed that it was all the informed consent of the father.
"My brother went to Australia to study, so my father bought Australian dollars when he had free money. When AUD was rebuilt, the manager suggested that he exchange US dollars. He said that he wanted to do a solution, so he helped him buy Australian dollars' priced funds and guarantees."
She smiled bitterly, don't see that his father was a professor, and when he encountered an investment failure, he would take two moves.
"It is very sensitive to intervene in the father's finances. I am worried about whether my father thinks this daughter's picture of wealth? I don't know what my brother and sister think?" Wu Jiaxuan finally decided to tell her sister that she would come back from Australia when she has time and hold a family meeting to review her father's finances. Only then did she know that after her mother passed away, he continued to convert the 10,000 pension and savings of the two people into Australian dollars. The loss of exchange alone was 1 million!
"We ask him what more to do when he changes this way? He is as quiet as a child, but he is softened and willing to hand over his financial power."
The good will eventually be a challenge, and as a doctor, there is no answer
Wu Jiaxuan, a psychiatrist, knows the status of dementia and care methods, but even if she can prepare a wheel chair and a mobile bed in advance, the 80-year-old father who needs to be held now will be so weak that he cannot swallow it. Should he be intubated and force-fed? She herself has no answer.
"Someone in the medical world has been living from her mother and died naturally for 21 days in the end; but to me, how to "good end" is always a challenge, which involves my younger brother and sister. Some things are too persistent and will cause a bond between the family."
Before the epidemic, Wu Jiaxuan took care of her father's family and insisted on traveling to Japan every year. After the epidemic, it was changed to hiking in Taiwan on weekends. The highest record was to walk more than 40,000 steps a day. Some people thought she lived too willful, but she did not agree. "I saw many sick caregivers in the door. Because of my sincere and drying, it is necessary to retain private living space."
Restart through travel and retain private space
"For me, travel is a reopening. Unlike abroad, hiking in Taiwan is short-term, charging fast, and the pace is slow, it is better to come slowly. The anxiety of "why is there only a little progress all day" has become less after hiking, and I am more patient."
She remembered that when she first set out on Zhongxiao Bridge two years ago, she stood on the bridge and looked over the mountains and Mount Yanmao. "The feeling of the world opening up is unprecedented. This feeling supports me to walk half of Taiwan. Especially I like history. I wear the lens of history and walk through Qigu, Yanshan, and Madou. I imagine that this place was once the sea in Taijiang River 300 years ago, which is very interesting.. ”
Going your own way and accompanying your demented father to walk the last path of your life. Wu Jiaxuan, who is 53, may want to keep her own situation well in the second half of her life. This is also because she has seen some predicament and helplessness of being demented and holding on to the position. "I made a promise with a senior nurse. I should warn you when you retire. It is also important to step down beautifully."
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